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 enlarge | Author: Joshua Harris
Publisher: Multnomah Books
Category: Book
List Price: $12.99
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New (57) Used (47) Collectible (2) from $4.73
Rating:  531 reviews
Sales Rank: 8489
Media: Paperback
Edition: Updated
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 238
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 8.2 x 5.2 x 0.6
ISBN: 1590521358
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.73
EAN: 9781590521359
ASIN: 1590521358
Publication Date: April 1, 2003
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| Customer Reviews:
 This will NOT be the book to change the next generation March 14, 2008
2 out of 4 found this review helpful
The premise of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, in Josh Harris's own words, is very simple and very true: "If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance." The book itself, however, is less than solid.
Harris's main problem is that he is largely preaching to the choir: most if not the vast majority of people who read this tome will already a) be of a more or less conservative (if not fully orthodox) Christian mindset, b) agree that sexual intercourse or anything resembling thereof should be off limits until marriage, and c) a lot of what passes for "romance" in contemporary Anglo-America (and increasingly the rest of the Occident) is rather silly and shallow. Harris just takes this one step further to what should be its logical conclusion.
The thing is, Harris was fortunate to have realised this himself before his flirtations with sexuality actually ended with him losing his virginity (and perhaps taking the woman's with him). The vast majority of young adults do not listen so well to their guardian angels. What is needed for most of them is restraint and discipline until they show that they are ready and able to behave like adults--but by that time they should also be mature enough for marriage (and by extension romance).
To this end, a more effective aeuvre really ought to spend a lot more time discussing the essential purpose of love and marriage, since, after all, we must first define what we are discussing. Regrettably, Harris does not show whether he has any idea what love and marriage are about: in a nutshell, love is a natural phenomenon that binds humans--social beings--together in society, and marriage is the beginning of a family, the social unit by which the human race survives and propagates the Image of God. For all his obsession with a higher calling and purpose, Harris is blissfully ignorant of the Grand Design of our Creator--the full image of which, of course, is not for man to discern, but God has given us enough at least to understand where and why we fit into His will.
Second, an effective treatise would discuss how the courtship stage leads down the path to this noble and, indeed from my Papist leanings, Sacramental end. To be fair, Harris does talk about courtship in his sequel, which unfortunately is as lacking in solid substance as the original. "Dating," as is commonly practiced, largely serves to isolate the couple from their society of friends and family, and not only does this make fornication much easier even for those who theoretically believe in chastity, it gives a completely unrealistic picture of what it will be like to live in the world united as a married couple. If a man and woman are seriously considering marriage, they ought to be spending time with each other's friends and family--and out of politeness not overwhelm them with mush.
Of course, I realise that many people, especially nowadays, do not have particularly good families to help guide them through this process. Divorce, disagreement, absenteeism, general apathy and even just bad judgment are more rampant than ever among parents, even within many supposedly religious families, and in such a context few young people receive the sort of counsel they need--on any issue. I myself come from a mixed-confessional and (at least lately) not particularly religiously observant family, and short of a miracle (for which I do not despair), it will be difficult to involve them with my wife and children if someday I am so blessed. Further, good, solid congregations are few and far between. To paraphrase Christopher Check, I think it was, I have no solution (beyond hope and prayer) for victims of circumstance and Baby Boomer selfishness: like the poor, they will probably always be with us.
But this brings me to my next suggestion. Someone ought to write a book aimed at Christian parents, relentlessly chastising them for the dreadful conditions under which they have allowed their children to grow up while expecting them to retain a solid moral stance throughout their formulative years. What do you THINK a child will believe in if he is educated in an atheistic public school? What do you THINK will happen if you allow them absolute unmitigated contact with the opposite sex? And if you expect and even encourage, as many do, your sons to behave as adolescents into their mid-to-late twenties, long after they have reached full physical maturity, how can you expect them to respect young women? (I won't get started on coeducational schooling, because then I will never stop.) Once more, until young adults act like adults, they will need to be treated as children and adolescents.
Parents may not be Harris's primary audience, but I challenge any parent considering giving this book as a gift to their child to consider, first, whether YOU can do anything to create a culture in which healthy relationships naturally flourish. Contemporary McMansion society and the requisite institutions of extreme isolated individualism (the list is endless, ranging from loneliness to broken homes to MTV and porno mags), does not offer much help, and while granted it is often difficult to choose or change where you life, such activities as spending more time at home, going on more day trips, getting involved with a solid parish, and so forth will go a long way. Just keep in mind there is always much to avoid whether you live in a huge city or the sprawling suburban tracts.
But I digress. And now for my final suggestion: given the complete apathy of many teenagers toward anything other than me, myself, I, a little scaring is sometimes in order. This book does not dwell nearly enough on the negative consequences of broaching the lines of sexual morality, or on the at best tenuous effectiveness (and so far as I'm concerned, immorality, but this is a twentieth-century Protestant book) of contraceptives and prophylactics in mitigating them. To those who would complain that this is too pessimistic and cynical, I say it is realistic. It is true that we cannot denounce a formidable way of things without proposing a positive alternative--lest we risk falling into nihilism--but those for whom the pleasure of non-marital and non-conceptive sexual relationships has become a norm will be hard-pressed to believe that floating in God's grace is really so much better than their nightly trysts. Before you can show them what they are missing, you've got to make them miss something.
All-in-all, I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a failure, and for Joshua Harris's good intentions I badly wish that I could label it a noble failure, but I cannot. At best this book has created a corpus of sexually Victorian young Protestant Christians within a culture and environment that is decidedly anti-Victorian, anti-Christian and dedicated to the corruption of youth. We all, of course, have to live in the corrupt world, but we must cultivate the Faith if it is to survive. "Cultivate" comes from "culture," the natural expressive fruits of a true community, and regrettably this book does little to inspire a truly Christian community.
In spite of its title, even the web site of Jason Evert (a Catholic, be aware), "Pure Love Club," is much more accessible, realistic, and grounded in solid facts--while advocating much the same premise. I have not read his books.
 Great alternate for ideas on not dating! March 10, 2008
Great for people troubled with the current state of affairs in dating and relationships. Teenagers should all have to read this!!!
Dating review February 17, 2008
0 out of 2 found this review helpful
Excellent book giving a very different perspective on the dating game played in the western world today. Not only does Joshua Harris say why he disagrees with modern dating, he also gives some alternatives and paints a radical picture of what we should be aiming for in boy girl relationships. I would thoroughly recommend this to anyone.
 Disappointment February 11, 2008
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
Don't bother reading this book, everything you need to know is found in the Bible. Harris' book flaunts and romanticizes chivary, when in reality love never boasts.
Shockingly different, wonderfully true February 6, 2008
1 out of 3 found this review helpful
I read this book years back, along with the Ludy's "When God writes your Love Story." I dated in the past, and found it a slow and frustrating process. After watching courtships prove incredibly successful in many friend's lives, and now my own, I have to say I wholeheartedly agree. I gave the hope of a husband to God, and he brought me a wonderful, wonderful man. I didn't know people could be this happy. The side benefit not many people talk about is that you get to see a miraculous string of events leading to your love, and you KNOW all your life you are with the one you were meant to be with. We keep discovering new reasons we were brought together, and enjoying them.
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